Out of Focus (Chosen Paths #2) Page 8

  His eyes implore mine as he ends his proposal. “I’ll be a complete gentleman. Scout’s honor.”

  Grady lifts three fingers, sealing his promise, and I shake my head, laughing freely at the gesture. “That’s what you told Spencer about the curfew.”

  His expression is still filled with humor, but his voice is laced with sincerity as he states, “Yeah, but this time I mean it.”

  I narrow my eyes and assess him, weighing my options. I can go home, where I’ll be left alone to fend for myself against the impending darkness still skirting my mind. I can still see the colors but they’re more of a vague mist.

  How did he manage to ground me so easily?

  Normally by now, I’d be . . . I’d be . . .

  Don’t go there, Cass. Don’t . . .

  I could accompany Grady to his apartment, enjoy some company, and temporarily distract myself from the inevitable. Because the memories will eventually overtake me, they always do. But as I root myself in Grady’s patient stare, I feel . . . safe.

  I allow the sensation to wash over me, then inhale deeply, disbelieving of the words coming out of my mouth. “All right, but no funny business, blue eyes.”

  I point a warning finger in his direction and my conscience sings its approval.

  Grady dips his head, acknowledging my one condition with a wide grin as he turns the key and starts the engine. I lean forward and finger for my clutch under the seat, and once it’s in my possession I flip it open, removing my phone as I relax back. “I’ll take care of Spencer,” I remark, just as Grady exits the parking lot. “I need to check up on her anyway.”

  I slide my finger across the screen, noting the time of 9:48 p.m. before tapping on Spencer’s name. Four rings sound with no answer. Just as I begin to lower the phone and disconnect the call, Spencer’s voice hits my ear. “Cassie?”

  “Hey, hooker.” Grady chuckles beside me and I smile into the receiver. “Everything go okay with Liam-slash-Dalton?”

  Her voice is shaky with her response. “Yeah. It will be, I think. It’s just a lot to take in, his being back after all these years, you know?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  As much as I want to ask her more, I don’t. I don’t know what she can share and what she can’t, but I do know I don’t want to put her in a difficult position. So I ask the next best thing. “Are you okay? I mean, I was going to stay at Grady’s to give you more time to talk and reconnect, but I can come home if you need me.”

  Spencer’s answer is immediate. “This is your apartment, Cass. Come home if you want. Don’t stay away on our account.”

  Then her familiar giggle hits my ear. “But if you want to stay with Grady, go for it. He seems like a good guy from what Dalton said. Plus, I have a good feeling about him. About the two of you.”

  Another giggle. “So, consider your curfew lifted. Indefinitely.”

  There it is. The light. The hope. It’s in her voice. I haven’t heard that since her eighteenth birthday.

  I take a quick thankful breath, and despite my nagging demons, I feel somehow at peace for her. She’ll be okay. I smile and give Grady a sideways glance. “So, you’re saying you approve of Grady Bennett?”

  The side of his mouth kicks up as he signals left, checks all available mirrors, then merges into the left lane.

  “I do,” Spencer resounds.

  “Got it. I’ll keep that in mind.” Still grinning, I face forward and inquire, “See ya tomorrow?”

  “It’s a date.” Spencer laughs, then states, “Love you, Cass.”

  “Love you, times two.”

  Before hanging up, I add, “I’m really happy for you, Spence. You deserve this. After all these years, you’re gonna get your happily ever after with the love of your life. It’s an amazing gift you’ve been given. Treasure it always.”

  Before she can respond, I hit the end call button. Tonight has been emotional enough without going down that road.

  Road.

  Path.

  I draw in a long breath, trying to fortify myself against the degrading whispers, but they zip right through my defenses and infiltrate my mind.

  Spencer and I were on the same path, at one time. You were never meant to be on that path. It was too good for you.

  When I was eight years old I was plucked right off and placed onto another. As you should’ve been. You found your rightful place.

  And although they remained conjoined for years, this is the moment I was certain would happen. It’s for the best that you’re separated. Your existence will only darken hers.

  The fork in our road has come.

  I swallow back the tears as all the happenings of the evening invade my mind.

  The sad fact is, regardless of my present company, the truth of the matter is undeniable.

  After five difficult years, Spencer has finally found her happily ever after. She will continue along her happy path, joined hand in hand with the man she loves.

  And I will remain on mine, nothing more than the absolute disaster who has a panic attack because of some fucking strobe lights.

  The voices mock me as they begin to celebrate in my acknowledgement. I shake my head and exhale deeply in defeat as I gaze out the window, their wicked, gleeful laughs all I’m able to hear as Grady drives.

  Past—8 Years Old

  “I’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR daddy, Spencer.”

  We’re sitting side by side on her porch, knees tucked into our chests, cheeks pressed on top of them as we look at each other. I watch a tear disappear from the corner of Spencer’s eye into the material of her black dress.

  My own chin trembles at the sight, and as a strand of her long blonde hair catches with the breeze and blows onto her face, I pluck it away with the tips of my fingers, sliding it carefully behind her ear.

  Spencer’s puffy eyes, red and swollen, focus on me. She gives me a sad smile. “I can’t stop crying.”

  “I know. Me either.” And it’s the truth. I feel so sad seeing my friend’s heart breaking right before my eyes. There’s nothing I can do to take away her pain.

  Seconds of silence pass, our eyes locked onto each other’s. She begins to cry harder now, and her entire face crumbles as she wails openly, “I only had him for two years. I loved him so much, and now he’s gone.”

  Mommy explained to me that even though he was very young, Mr. Locke died of a heart attack. I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost my daddy. Just the thought makes me cry harder.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath, reminding myself that Spencer needs me to be strong for her now. I can cry later, when I’m talking to Mommy, but now, I need to make her feel better. And I can’t do that when I’m just as sad as she is.

  “I know you miss him, Spencer. That’s how I felt when I lost Ernie, my favorite fish. One day I found him floating in his bowl, even though I fed him every day like I was supposed to. I was so sad. I cried because I thought it was my fault that he died, but Mommy said it was just his time. She hugged me and told me to be thankful for the time I had with him, and to always remember the good times we shared, like when I would read to him before I went to sleep and talk to him when I was bored. And after that, whenever I was sad about him dying, I would remember how much it made me laugh when I pretended he was talking to me by making up words every time he would open his mouth under the water.”

  Even now, I can’t help but grin. I smile softly and shrug my shoulders. “Maybe just try to remember the good times you had with him, and that will make you feel better too.”

  Spencer nods, then lifts her hand, wiping a tear as it crosses the bridge of her freckled nose. I give her a half-smile and raise my arm to stroke her hair. We stay like that for a long time, never once moving through all the many people carrying huge pans and dishes of food up the steps beside us. Spencer is very lucky to have so many people that love her and her mother so much. I know Mrs. Locke does a lot to help out people in need around our community; it’s nice to see people doing something nice
for her.

  The sound of heels clicking on the pavement suddenly stops, and I glance up to see Mommy standing in front of us. Her voice is soft as she states, “Dinner’s ready, baby. I know you want to stay here, but it’s time to come home. Maybe we should let Spencer get some sleep now?”

  She’s still dressed in the same dark dress she wore to Mr. Locke’s funeral earlier today.

  “Okay, Mommy,” I answer, then look back to Spencer and whisper, “I gotta go, but I’ll stay awake all night, in case you need me.”

  This makes Spencer smile and I grin back, happy I made her happy. Mommy leaves us and walks toward the street in the direction of our house. Just as I stand to follow her, the screen door opens, and Mrs. Locke steps onto the porch, her eyes more swollen than Spencer’s. The sight sends more tears to my own, because Mrs. Locke is such an amazing person, and no one as wonderful as her should ever have to be so sad.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. Locke. I wish there was something I could do to make y’all feel better,” I state, my voice a bit shaky.

  What I say makes her smile and she continues walking until she’s standing right in front of me. She crouches down, putting us at eye level, and swipes a tear from my face with her thumb.

  Her hand remains on my cheek as she says, “My sweet, sweet Cassie . . .” She smiles bigger. “We are so lucky to have you in our lives.”

  This makes me grin and I see Spencer agree with a nod as she remains seated on the bottom step of the porch. I look back at Mrs. Locke, who continues. “And yes, we are very sad, Cassie, but that’s a part of this glorious thing called life. Things may happen that we don’t understand, but we have to be brave and strong so we can get through the hard times to truly appreciate the precious moments life will also offer us. Such as this one, right now, that I’m experiencing with you.”

  I lean into the warmth of her palm, and cover her hand with my own. Tears line the bottoms of her eyes, but she sniffs them back and stands, placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head before turning to leave. As she passes Spencer, Mrs. Locke bends at the waist and presses her lips lovingly on Spencer’s forehead, before whispering, “I love you, my beautiful, brave girl.”

  “Love you too, Mommy.”

  Mrs. Locke kisses her again, then extends her hand for Spencer to take hold. As she does, Spencer stands, then looks to me. “See you tomorrow?”

  I nod and answer, “It’s a date.”

  “Come over anytime, Cassie. You’re always welcome,” Mrs. Locke adds with a wide smile and a wink. She wraps her arm around Spencer’s shoulder and together they enter their house.

  Joy fills my chest that Spencer was given a second chance, a second family, to experience all the happiness she deserves. After experiencing so much pain, to see her loved and wanted as she should be, well . . . I know she and Mrs. Locke will be just fine on their own, because they have each other.

  I turn just in time to see my daddy driving into our driveway. After looking both ways, I skip my way across the street. A mischievous smile crosses my face as I approach the car, and just as Daddy opens the door, I shout, “BOO!”

  His chuckles sound as he steps onto our driveway, and he holds his arms open wide, something he does every day when he gets home from work.

  Except, today is Saturday.

  “Where’d ya go?” I ask from within his tight embrace, sniffing the familiar spicy smell of his cologne.

  He sweeps his hand down my hair, then releases me. I squint as I look up, screening my face from the sun with my hand as his caring brown eyes smile back down at me.

  “Well, I have a surprise. We have a visitor.”

  Daddy looks to the side, and I watch as a younger version of my daddy rises out of the car. Surprised, I gasp, then look back to Daddy who’s grinning widely while the man walks to where we stand.

  “Cassie,” Daddy says, then adds my full name, “Cassandra. This is Uncle Alan. He’s going to be staying with us for a while until he gets back on his feet.”

  I grin at Uncle Alan, my hand still glued to my forehead.

  “You look just like my daddy,” I announce excitedly. I love when we have company, and knowing I have a new relative has me hopping up and down on the soles of my favorite shoes (brand new with a heel).

  Uncle Alan laughs, and his smile is warm just like his eyes. He leans toward me and shields the side of his mouth, whispering, “If anyone asks, I’m the better-looking brother. Deal?”

  I giggle and nod. Uncle Alan rises and my daddy claps him on the shoulder. “I’ll help you bring in your luggage. We’ve got you set up in the basement, for the time being.” Daddy looks down at his watch and announces, “Dinner should be ready soon.”

  “I’ll get the luggage, wouldn’t want you to throw out your back or break your hip, would we, Daniel?” Uncle Alan winks at me and I laugh. “Cassandra here can help, can’t ya? Show me where the basement is?”

  “At your service,” I shout, then salute before rounding the front of the car. Leaning into the still-open door, I grab the bigger bag of the two with all my strength, and lug it out onto the cement of the driveway.

  Both men chuckle to themselves. I look up to see Uncle Alan’s grin widen as I try to lift it. “Why don’t I take that one? You grab this one.” He hands me the much smaller one and leans into the car to grab a pillow, tossing it to Daddy. “And I think he should be able to handle this one.”

  Daddy shakes his head after catching the pillow then heads into the house. Uncle Alan follows as do I, the bag brushing the side of my leg with each step I take.

  “Carol,” Daddy calls. “Alan’s here.”

  “Oh good.” I hear her yell back before Daddy turns the corner.

  “Basement’s this way,” I remark, stepping in front of Uncle Alan and proudly leading the way to the basement door. Once we arrive, I fling it open and flip on the light. The steps creak behind me, telling me Uncle Alan is still following. I continue down them, and once my feet hit the floor, I head to the couch and proudly toss his bag onto the middle cushion.

  “This folds out into a bed so you should have plenty of room to sleep. And the washer and dryer are down here too, so you should always have clean clothes.”

  Uncle Alan sets his bag next to the other, then places his hands on his waist and turns, observing the room. As soon as he faces me, he grins. “This will do just fine. Thank you, Cassandra. You’re an excellent hostess.”

  My cheeks warm with the compliment, and I smile back at him. He takes a step in my direction and adds, “That’s a very pretty dress.”

  I glance down at it and run my fingers over the black satin sash. “Thank you. I wore it to a funeral today. My friend’s daddy died.”

  “I’m very sorry to hear that.” My stare lifts to find Uncle Alan standing in front of me. He offers me an apologetic smile. “She must be very sad.”

  “Yeah, but she’s strong,” I state. “She has a good mommy. She’ll be happy again soon.”

  Uncle Alan nods. “Yes, family is very important. Family can make you very happy. And we’re family, right, Cassandra?”

  “Mmm-hmm,” I agree, then add, “you can call me Cassie. No one really calls me Cassandra.”

  Uncle Alan shakes his head, then lifts his hand to touch my cheek. “Cassandra is a beautiful name, just like you. So, I think I’ll just call you that, if you don’t mind. It can be something shared just between us, our special secret.”

  I grin. I like very much that he thinks I’m beautiful. It makes me feel special.

  “Cassie. Dinner is on the table. Go wash up and bring Uncle Alan with you.” Mommy’s voice sounds from the top of the stairs.

  My eyes lift toward the sound. “Yes, Mommy.”

  I redirect my attention to Uncle Alan and extend my hand. “Come on, Uncle Alan. We’ll be in trouble if we don’t hurry up and get to the table.”

  Uncle Alan grins down at me and nods, taking hold of my hand.

  And I smile back as we walk side by side out of th
e basement.

  Uncle Alan would quickly become one of my favorite people in the world. I loved and trusted him with all my heart. Unconditionally.

  Six months later, he disappeared without a trace.

  Except, he was never really gone. Every inch of my house would serve as a permanent reminder of the time Uncle Alan spent with us. Yet, for as strong as his remaining presence was, no one in my family ever mentioned his name again after he left. We never spoke of him.

  It was as though he never existed.

  But still, he was everywhere I looked.

  A ghost . . .

  One that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

  “WELL, HERE IT IS, my humble abode.”

  Grady unlocks his apartment and opens the door, gesturing with a wide sweep of his arm for me to enter. Since I never put them back on, my heels are hanging from the tip of my index finger as I stride by him, highlighter yellow socks still proudly covering my calves. I’m sure I look fabulous, but honestly, I’m too emotionally wiped to give a fuck.

  Plus, the socks are kind of growing on me.

  The door shuts behind me and I consider Grady’s living room. Clean, but definitely lived in. Large TV mounted to the wall. Lamp in the corner. Brown leather couches and matching recliner. All in all, a very standard bachelor pad design and layout.

  My eyes carefully scour the apartment as I walk, until they land and freeze on something I can’t help but grin at it. Because sitting right on his coffee table is a half-empty coffee mug with Fuller Police Dept. printed right on the front.

  I knew it!

  I smile and look over my shoulder at Grady, who’s also eyeing it with a smile.

  He winks.

  I blush.

  Then turn away to hide it.

  Grady tosses his keys onto a table in his entryway, then fully enters the living room behind me, the sound of his shoes hitting the floor muffled by the beige carpet. I begin to survey his apartment further, when I feel the weight of my shoes lifted off my finger and the clutch pinned under my arm removed.